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Monday, August 28th, 2006
8:21 pm - This Is The End
Here I am beside myself again.
I'm torn apart by words that you have said.
And all in all,
I know we're falling apart.
Where did you run to so far away?
And here we are to sing you a song.
And there you are asleep against the window pane
just like always.
You said you like to hear the rain sometimes.
And all I can do is tell you the truth.
And oh, my eyes will tell you the same.
And here we are to sing you a song.
And there you are asleep again.
Grasp our hands together,
we feel we are one result.
And here we are to sing you a song.
And there you are asleep again...

Dramatic I know..but oh well.

current mood: rushed

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Sunday, August 6th, 2006
5:20 pm - To Whom It May Concern...
To think..that I am really jealous of certain people is in understatement....or I am jealous of people of feelings that aren't there.

Why it is so easy for people just to give up such things...when it's just terrible, why is it always that people never feel the same? I got through the same problem over and over again, but this feeling feels like it lasts forever, what do guys have that I don't? It feels like that, maybe if I was more of a jerk or something, or just...rediculously masculine...then maybe girls would notice me (well the girls that I like) I know it is amazing that I have these girls as friends...but I need that feeling or more so want that feeling to happy....ugh it's disgusting, just feeling so alone, you know it probably sounds cliche' I don't care. I don't care if this is immature or anything, I just feel stuck with that feeling and I don't know when it is going to go away, maybe if I stop liking the girls or something (like that will happen) but yeah...I guess it is good to hope for something that is going to stop you from feeling like crap all the time.

Ha I guess this is a really negative but what I can say?

current mood: envious

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Monday, July 24th, 2006
4:02 am - It's Not A Party If It Happens everynight...
Ha, Martin has The postal service on his computer and gosh does it bring back some memories, I know they are huge now, but I still love the stuffin' out of them, not even lying. I am glad I am listening to them right now.

I think I am going to go back home either tomorrow or the day after but I am not sure. I am pretty happy right now, Martin made me a sigur Ros Bracelet :), it makes me super happy, ha I will wear it always.

I am getting my senior pictures on wednesday, hopefully those turn out well and I have many things to do this week.

1) Order the Circa Survive tickets
2) Pre-Order The Misery Signals cd.
3) Go To The Gym and go to the sona and get cleaned up, I feel all clogged up right now and that would be a perfect way to do it.
4) Order some other albums at the moment that I desiring (Album Leaf, 2012)
5) Hope to see some friends...if any at all along the way, that would be a definite perk.
6) Clean the house, do laundry, get back on a regular sleeping schedule...etc.

Yes, as of now I have a fun filled week and just waiting for it to start.

Life is pretty awesome and I am just for the next few days letting it come as it does and not really thinking of it :).

Diana, I am sorry for not calling you tonight, I will call you soon doll after work and we can talk and have a merry good time. Love you doll and I hope you had a good today.

Lizzie, I'll talk to you in the few days, hopefully we can reschedule something for hanging out and such if you want. Love you doll and I hope things are working out with people and whanot. Love Lizzie.

current mood: content

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Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
2:54 am - There Is Hope....
I need to explain myself on my current mood....I mean numb in a good way.

Right now, I am just completely in...awe of everything around me....I love it...I love music....OMG do I love music...for those of you who read this, especially diana...ha, I love Sigur Ros...and I need to see them in concert with diana, and just fall to my knees and cry...and I really think I would do that...it's not even a joke! I feel like it would change my life and I am willing to give everything I have to see them live...I wish life was as overwhelming as it is right now, and just so carefree and lovely and the most beautiful moment in the world forever....it's just gorgeous....I am sleeping outside tonight..I need...ugh....I don't know what I need..but I hope to find it soon...

There is no low point right now...I might go down soon, but I will cherish this moment for so long....and just smile and love it.

I am sorta just tearing up right now....Love you for reading this (ha I think the only person that reads this is diana) so I love you diana!!! :) :) :).

Have a great night everyone, I hope it's as good as mine is right now.

current mood: numb

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Saturday, July 15th, 2006
11:14 pm - Are We Rushing Ahead?...
Well today was pretty tight, :) :)...I went the DAH show (ugh, their music is good, but their singer makes me want to walk on broken glass) ha...for serious though. It was good, I went with bridgett and Jillian, I miss those two and I hope we hang out more because, I just want to! I hope they have a fabolous time in Rohoboth(sp)and I hope they get there safe and back!

Well, I got to see Diana and Melanie at the show that was a treat! hope I didn't bother them too bad!! ha. it was fun though!! I was dancing to breakdowns and craving some indie like a mofo! The first band loot league was pretty amazing, and they sounded great for sure!!! The other bands were alright but yeah...nothing to run to my momma about!!

I wanted to say this, and this is sorta random but...I just realized something....Diana & Martin are my all time Best Friends of all time....and you know that is so good to say...and I know some many people use the term best friend so lightly...but I mean with it everything I have...for sure.

Diana is pretty amazing and we have gotten so close lately...and I know I can tell her everything, even though I haven't been friends with her that long...it's something that hits me like a ton of brinks everytime I think about it, I feel so comfortable around her, and feel as if I really know what a true friend is because of her, and I hope she can come to me with anything she feels...because yeah, I am there for her as much as she has been there for me. We have never had a fight, and I don't know how I could ever have a fight with her...and I just love being around her and talking to her and just being in her prescene :). I love you dianapants and you are so much to me!

Martino, on the other hand, we have known each other since 7th grade and been best friends since 8th...we have had some rocky roads..BUT, we have had so many good times to pave over those, it definitely replaces all the bad. I can laugh so hard with him and have a completely serious conversation with him, it's definitely great and it's just awesome having a friend like him. He is like a brother I have never had and that is a fact. I love you man, and I hope we are friends forever.

I do have some pretty amazing friends and I hope the ones I haven't mentioned mean so much to me too...it's just as of now, and I think for as long as it comes to be this way, that these two have hit me the hardest...and it's just great to be where I am right now.

Thank you for reading and good night :)

current mood: creative

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Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
11:20 pm - It Was Like, I Was Never Really There At All...
All my life, I waited for something great,
Here I am with nothing showing.

And all I want, yes it is all I wanted- it's us
I lost my chance maybe a month ago.
I waited long but I got to thinking
I waste my time because I'm always thinking I'm wrong.

And it's tough being alone when you're naive
And you just want to believe everything everyone says.
Oh, it would be great if I could just deal with it.

I'm packing up almost everything,
I'm moving out and starting over.
And all I want, maybe it's all I want, is love.
If that was it, then it would all be great,
But I can't walk without feeling lost.
And I don't know, I'm thinking it's all I know is us.

And it's tough being alone when you're naive.
And you just want to believe everything everyone says.
oh, it would be great if I could just deal...

And it's tough being alone when you're naive.
And you just want to believe everything and everyone.

This basically describes what I feel right now, this whole song, but specific more generally as I highlighted those parts, and ya know...this isn't about a specific person or anything, I would already put their name in here if it was, but it's about a swarm of people. As Much beauty as there is...there is that much ugliness in there to balance things out or take over the other side.

current mood: frustrated

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